When I Got Lost And Disconnected From Source

I cannot count the times I open my computer and switch it on, it boots up and then crashes.

I get so frustrated because I soon realise I again forgot to flip the switch at the power source.

When I try to live my life disconnected from the Source of my Supply, I seem to get away with it for awhile. Hours, days, weeks or even years.

In my case it was a period of over 20 years. I was driven by sadness, grief, pain - and then came anger and rebellion - and immorality, ending in cold immunity against the Holy Spirit.

I was unplugged!

Then another pain crept up on me. The pain of remembering how Jesus loved me and wooed me to come and follow Him in 1973. The Holy Spirit began to flood me with memories of the old days. Music. Legendary song writers and musicians. Old books I read. People I led to Christ. Bible study, youth and young adult groups I started. The sorrow deepened and a new compannion came to visit. Panic!

Will I die in this state? Will I have to leave Cape Town yet again to earn enough money to survive? Will I again get disconnected from my 3 delightful children? Will I get ill and my illness turn to death?

This was a frightening time in 2019 as I faced deep fear, disconnected from Jesus, the Vine.

I faced my life like a movie looking forward, having lost what was the most precious relationship and love of my time.

As I looked back from where I was, I was utterly shocked at the destructive, sinful darkness I had got lost in. Shocked that I was so blind to the fall from grace.

His mercy and grace systematically invited me back to once again fall in love with Him - and find what I never thought was possible - my first love for Jesus Christ.

As I turned back to Jesus in mid-2019 I began a new journey home to the father's house. It was a long walk, for reasons too many to mention here.

Jesus had pulled me out of a deep pit like a lost sheep with broken legs.

I had to repent and ask Him to cleanse me and renew a right spirit in me and restore the joy of my salvation (Psalms 51).

You, my God are still at work in me and I love you. I praise You for what only You could do - and what you did to save me from the darkness of my own blindness and choices.

“I am the Vine, you are the branches. When you’re joined with me and I with you, the relation intimate and organic, the harvest is sure to be abundant. Separated, you can’t produce a thing. Anyone who separates from me is deadwood, gathered up and thrown on the bonfire. But if you make yourselves at home with me and my words are at home in you, you can be sure that whatever you ask will be listened to and acted upon. This is how my Father shows who he is—when you produce grapes, when you mature as my disciples." John 15:5-8 MSG